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British Awkwardness

October 21, 2013

484118_645912851038_2034983612_nWhen I first started this blog a couple of years ago I did promise that every so often I would slip in a silly post, and after reading a very funny article this morning I felt I had to share it with you guys.

The article talked about how we as British people often find ourselves doing strange things, as a result of insecurity and trying to avoid awkwardness.

Here is a list of some of them:

1. Realising you’re in the process of exiting a busy lift on the wrong floor and ploughing on regardless.

desperate for the toilet2. Being tempted to allow your bladder to explode rather than wake a fellow plane passenger.

3. Holding your hands up to your hands-free kit so nobody thinks you’re a lunatic.

4. Feeling guilty for making traffic stop at the lights when you need to cross the road.

5. Switching from “kind regards” to “regards” in emails as a warning that you’re dangerously close to losing your temper.

6. Wrestling with the “stay or move” conundrum when the train empties, leaving you sitting unnecessarily close to a stranger.

7. The unwelcome surprise of someone actually telling you how they are after you’ve asked them how they are.

8. The horror of saying goodbye someone and then leaving in the same direction (totes awks!)

9031656-an-image-of-a-group-of-people-in-a-crowded-elevator9. Pausing your conversation for the duration of a journey in a crowded lift.

10. Not quite catching someone’s name, meaning that you can never speak to them again.

11. Seeing someone you know walking just ahead of you so stopping dead in the street until they’re completely out of sight.

12. Dropping 5p and wondering whether you should pick it up and look desperate or leave it and look like a snob.

13. Knowing you’ve just received wholly inaccurate directions and heading off that way anyway so as not to cause offence.

14. Feeling utterly devastated when you say to the barman, “I think this guy was next” and you’re not thanked.

15. Asking to sample an ale, disliking it and ordering a whole pint so as not to further waste the barman’s time.

16. Looking away so violently as someone nearby enters their PIN that you accidentally dislocate your neck.

17. Saying, “It’s nothing, really” to indicate you’re remarkably close to losing consciousness.

rail-cartoon18. Being unable to help saying, “At least I hope so!” after telling someone they’re on the right train.

19. Explaining the empty bottle of wine in the kitchen by saying, “Most of it went in the gravy.”

20. Greeting a friend in the supermarket then creeping around to avoid seeing them again.

21. The anxious bewilderment when clocking the stranger deciding to join the queue at your side rather than behind you.

22. Being told a higher price for a second round of drinks identical to the first, asking, “Are you sure?” and paying it anyway.

23. Waking up in cold sweats remembering the time your dining companion sent some food back to the kitchen.

24. Ordering one of the specials so the waitress won’t have wasted her time reciting them.

25. Feeling you must blow your cheeks out, pat your stomach, laugh and tell the waiter you’re stuffed rather than just say you don’t wish to have a pudding on this occasion.

26. Thanking someone for letting you go first when you were already ahead of them in the queue.

27. Accidentally ripping off two tickets at the delicatessen counter and making the split-second decision to leave town immediately.

BagForLife28. Feeling guilty for using a bag for life that doesn’t match the supermarket in which you are shopping.

29. Pressing the bell a bus-stop too early, alighting at that stop anyway and continuing your journey on foot.

30. Assuring your hairdresser that the water temperature is fine despite a strong suspicion that your scalp is beginning to melt.

31. Locking yourself in the wardrobe until you’re certain that the window cleaner has finished and left.

32. Purchasing a cheese the size of a tractor wheel rather than say, “Just a tiny bit smaller” for the third time.

33. Running out of ways to say thank you when a succession of doors are held for you, having already deployed “cheers”, “ta” and “nice one”.

34. Offering your seat to an elderly person who on closer inspection turns out to be younger than you first thought so you both stand up.

35. The silent fury of getting caught behind someone who has decided to stand on the travelator.

queue-224x13036. Apologising for getting in the way of someone cycling on the pavement.

37. Attempting to deal with a queue-jumper by staring fiercely at the back of their head.

I hope you enjoyed these – they had me in stitches – ahh it’s good to laugh at yourself sometimes.

If you can think of any more then please pop them in as a comment.

  1. Tricia Whittle permalink

    Yes I can tick off more than a few of those 😉 Very funny

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